The answers to the universal questions of mankind revealed, by Peter Dennis
Chickens are not generally credited with a great deal of intelligence. However, the question, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” suggests that the chicken in question had some definite purpose in mind. So it is safe to assume that this particular chicken (let’s call her Cherry) was quite clever.
Cleverness immediately sets Cherry above and apart from the run-of-the-yard chicken. The every day chicken spends her life scratching out a living in the dirt and laying eggs on demand. When she can no longer meet the demand then it’s off to the chopping block, a final run around the barnyard “like a chicken with her head chopped off” followed by a good plucking and then on to the barbecue.
Not a happy fate to look forward to, if you are a clever, ambitious chicken.
Cherry wanted more out of life. She had watched the television through the window of the farmer’s house. She had seen all the good things life had to offer: fame, fortune, designer clothes, penthouse apartments, Lamborghinis, executive jets, chicken breast implants, beak lifts.
Cherry did not want her highest achievement to be a good greasy dinner. Imagine winding up as a bucket of chicken fingers and bits for $9.99. “Yummm, finger licking good”, “Burp” and then forgotten, a nobody, anonymous.
No! Emphatically no!!!!!
Cherry wanted fame and fortune and all the good stuff that comes with it.
She wanted to be a star, a contender, not the “Tuesday Night Wings Special”.
But, how could a chicken, even a brilliant and talented chicken realize her dream?
Hollywood.
She would run away to Hollywood and become a movie star, just as so many had done before her. Admittedly, they weren’t chickens but with all those brave superheroes in the movies, surely there was a need for chickens. A special niche that she could fill… SUPER CHICKEN!
But how was Cherry going to get to Hollywood?
She had to plan her great escape.
First there was a tall wire fence around the yard to contend with and beyond that, a busy six-lane highway.
And on the other side of the road, a bus stop and then a long bus ride to Hollywood. But after that – fame and fortune.
Piece of cake!
One night when all the other chickens were roosting, Cherry used her beak to tunnel under the fence. And then, watching carefully for a break in traffic, she “crossed the road”. She waited patiently all night in the bus shelter for the bus to Hollywood. The bus finally arrived and Cherry took a seat beside, would you believe, another chicken? She looked around the bus; at least half the seats on the bus were occupied by chickens. Most of them using cell phones and iPads. Cherry hadn’t thought about competition. After hours of incessant clucking on phones and pecking at keyboards, the bus stopped. Cherry knew she had arrived because she could see, on a hill, towering above her, a row of giant letters: “HOLLYWOOD”.
Cherry got off the bus with the rest of the excited chickens who scurried off in all directions with cellphones pressed to their ears.
Cherry just stood there, bewildered, trying to get her bearings and to figure out what to do next. But as luck would have it, she was discovered by a very nice man. It turned out that he was a talent agent, who, for only 10 per cent would make her a star in the chicken-porn film industry.
But stars often pay a great price for fame and Cherry’s career followed a path painfully similar to so many who proceeded her. Fame and fortune went right to her head. She got in with the wrong crowd and tragically her career was cut short by a drug overdose.
However, Cherry’s brave effort was not entirely in vain.
“Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?” To become famous as the chicken who crossed the road.